Week Three and The Greg Lewis Effect

Who is Greg Lewis? Look him up on Wikipedia and you will see that his picture appears to have been taken by a cell phone. That's how anonymous he is. He was a walk-on in college, he was undrafted in the NFL, he's caught a touchdown pass in the Superbowl, and he's still a relative unknown. He has played wideout since 2003. He's the guy who caught the hail mary from Brett Favre in the closing seconds of Minnesota's turd win. They won because Greg Lewis made an amazing catch in the back of the end zone. I imagine Greg Lewis will continue to remain anonymous. This is another reason why I can't stand Brett Favre. The man throws a hail mary, a what-the-fuck-why-not-just-wing-it throw, and someone comes up with it. Thankfully it was someone on his team, because there was about half the defense crammed into the end zone waiting to get hit in the hands with an errant football lobbed into the air as aimlessly as the bird shit on your windshield. That man was Greg Lewis, and he's making Brett Favre look like a hero. Even Favre admits he didn't do anything special.

Moving on, the week in review.

Offensive Player of the Week: Lions QB Matt Stafford

Because he pulled the Lions out of the trenches. He threw a TD, no picks, and probably felt like Jesus in Detroit.

Defensive Player of the Week: Jets LB Davis Harris

A fourth quarter interception and sack for a loss on consecutive drives where the Titans could have tied it up. Talk about coming up big.

Plays of the Week

Greg Lewis- Hail Mary TD in the closing seconds of the Vikings win.

Reggie Wayne- One-handed TD. Nuts. Watch it.

Donald Driver- Left-handed 46 yard reception. He landed on the arm he caught it with and maintained control.

Honorable Mention: Maurice Jones Drew- This guy is magic. Just watch the highlights. At a diminutive 5'7", it's kind of crazy to watch his mix of speed, power, and nimbleness in the face of the monsters trying to bring him down.

Note: I'm sure there are better plays every week. These are just the ones I catch that stand out. Have you noticed that I'm a big sucker for one-handed catches? Love it.

Ravens v. Browns (34-3 Baltimore)

To quote NFL.com,
It was over when ...
Ravens QB Joe Flacco threw a 72-yard touchdown down the left sideline to Derrick Mason. The touchdown, which gave Baltimore a 34-3 lead with 8:05 left, came one play after Baltimore forced its fourth turnover of the game.

I'm pretty sure it was over as soon as the Browns walked onto the field. The Browns scored their first points, three to be exact, half way through the fourth quarter. Please. This is another reason you should read my blog instead.

Lions v. Foreskins (DETRIOT WINS BY ENOUGH TO CALL IT A WIN!)

I love these moments. A team is often defined by its greatness, its successes and failures, in the face of adversity. The Lions became known for their obscene losing streak. Something like twenty games. That spans three seasons. There is a whole organization whose sole focus is built around winning games. Yet, much like the same Detroit organizations responsible for American automobiles, their success is now measured by their ability to avoid total collapse. I applaud you Detroit. Washington, I think it might be time for a change.

Jaguars v. Texans (31-24 Jacksonville)

I'm starting to think the hype in Houston is misinformed. My own included. Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson are fantasy stars, sure, but seem to be operating under questionable management. Maurice Jones-Drew, fantasy monster no doubt, severely demoralized the Texans defense for three TDs and 147 total yards.

Patriots v. Falcons (26-10 New England)

New England continues to find ways to win. It's hasn't been pretty this season, but they've done it. All eyes have been on Tom Brady and this week Belichik limited his throws and gave the ball to Fred Jackson, who apparently still has it. I saw a picture of Tom Brady from the game and for the first time my gut response wasn't take a dump in his socks. He had his eyes clenched as tightly as his victory fist with a look a sheer joy. It looked as if moments before he was not exactly confident of his chances of success. I like to see that. I would also like to see the Patriots miss the playoffs again, but as they say, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Eagles v. Chiefs 34-14 (Philadelphia)

There's a lot of talent on the young side of the Eagles. Plus, there's nothing like boosting your delinquent ego by feasting on the Chiefs. I liked watching Kevin Kolb not give the game away. He left that to the Chiefs. It was a nice rebound from drubbing the Saints laid out. Not much to say about this game other than the fact that I think Matt Cassell was a waste of money.

Packers v. Rams (36-17 Green Bay)

The Packers needed this win. Badly. Other than that, I see little worth noting. The Rams are terrible. Check. Steven Jackson carried the team. Check. Green Bay can score. Check. Aaron Rodgers gets sacked. Check. Moving on.

Giants v. Buccaneers (24-0 New York)

It's official. The Giants are a relentless threat on every side of the ball. I'm not saying the Bucs are that great. Or that I like Eli Manning. But when you stuff the box, the throw all over you. When you drop back in coverage, Jacobs and Bradshaw will stomp you. Not to mention Justin Tuck, Mathias Kiwanuka, and Osi Umenyiora harassing QB's all day. Put a fork in the Bucs, because they're done.

Jets v. Titans (24-17 New York)

Mark Sanchez eh? What a guy. The Jets defense is formidable and next weeks matchup against the Saints will provide the true litmus test. Rex Ryan? Who doesn't love a fat and volatile loudmouth? I'd say it's a cornerstone of American television. What can I say about the Titans? Not much. They have playmakers, but they can't seem to work them into wins. They have as many losses this season as they had all of last season. I think they could still bounce back for a wild card spot, but it seems highly unlikely.

Saints v. Bills (27-7 New Orleans)

Drew Brees was held without a touchdown. That's not to say that the Saints offense is lacking, no sir. Instead they unleashed the running game, even letting Reggie Bush carry the ball a bit. By stretching the defense, Brees kept the ball short. Pierre Thomas made his glorious season debut and capped it off with two TD's. T.O. was without a catch for the first time since the dinosaurs walked the earth. I'm now taking bets on when the T.O. shows explodes and Trent Edwards finds a horse head on his bed.

Bears v. Seahawks (25-19 Chicago)

Jay Cutler is paying off for Chicago, which I'm sure fans of the windy city are sure to enjoy. I can't remember the last time Chicago had a real gunslinger at the helm. Devin Hester seems to be running better routs, which could make for a dangerous team. The Seahawks seem to be running with the middle of the pack, but their schedule won't do them any favors. Hasselbecks return might help, and their defense is sufficient, but I just don't see them making it very far. Housh may have seemed like a great pick up in the offseason, but I've said it before and I'll say it again; he worked better when defenses were worried about Ochocinco. As a number one guy, I think he'll be limited. Moving on.

Bengals v. Steelers (23-10 Cincinnati)

Gotta love watching the Superbowl champs going 1-2 while getting thrashed in the 4th quarter by the Bengals. Not much else to say, but look out for the Bengals defense. They could be nasty.

Broncos v. Raiders (23-3 Denver)

I like JaMarcus Russell, maybe because he is the worst QB in the league who gets to keep his job. I think the blame is not necessarily to be placed squarely on Russell, but the organization which surrounds him. He clearly has bad coaching and what I'm told is a bad work ethic. He has such talent and athleticism, but I don't think he ever adjusted to the speed of the NFL. That being said, the Broncos are on a tear. I didn't see them making much of Kyle Orton, but they've made do with the army of running backs at their disposal. I must say, I love to see Brian Dawkins win games no matter who he plays for.

Chargers v. Dolphins (23-13 San Diego)

It's amazing how vulnerable the Chargers look without a certain LaDanian Tomlinson. Darren Sproles has filled in nicely with his skill set, but the fact that they can rarely lean on LT shows in a big way. Phillip Rivers has stepped up nicely, using his legs in the third quarter to score the Chargers only offensive touchdown of the game. He threw for 303 yards, 120 of them to Vincent Jackson no less. Chad Pennington went down and out for the season, which I'm sure nobody but Pennington is too upset about. The Dolphins now sit at 0-3, which tells me that last years success was a minor coincidence. I imagine the true rebuilding of this storied franchise is starting to take shape. The game was rather ugly across the board, but in my mind if a team can scrap out wins it doesn't matter how they got them. There are no moral victories and as they say, almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Colts v. Cardinals (31-10 Indianapolis)

This game started off ugly. It ended ugly, but for different reasons. The first quarter was littered with punts. The offense from both teams looked a mere shadow of the former glory we're used to. Then, somehow, the Colts turned up the volume and just dominated. Peyton Manning doesn't really seem to miss Marvin Harrison too much, seeing that Reggie Wayne could pretty much catch a meteor if he chose to. Check out the the first TD to Wayne. One handed craziness. God I love this game. As for the Cardinals, I don't know what to say. They had a few great moments, but no much else. The Colts had not allowed a TD through the air until this game, which is all well and good for the Cardinals. But with the likes of Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, and Steve Breaston in the field, I would have imagined a few TD's. The Arizona offense just looked stunned the whole time. I imagine it's because Kurt Warner is a Jesus freak and he probably brings his hellfire and brimstone crap to the huddle. That being said, I think it's best to leave Jesus at home on game day.

On a more amusing note, here's a clip of what you might hear in a Cardinals huddle, assuming that Kurt Warner gets his material from www.hellfire-and-brimstone.org

Most people in hell never expected to go there. In fact, I would guess it might be impossible to intend to go to hell. Hell is just too horrible of a place. It would be like having the ability to hold a soldiering iron or a torch to one's own underarm or being able to gouge one's own eyes out slowly with one's own fingers. It would take intense training to be able to harm oneself that way because God has not designed us to do that to ourselves intentionally. But, we can lock ourselves in and put ourselves under the control of Satan and others who would bring harm to us later against our will.

If your wondering where that came from, just youtube some Kurt Warner interviews. There you will find footage of the man drawing a picture of God. I kid you not.

Moving on.

Cowboys v. Panthers (21-7 Dallas)

I've got to say, these teams look just sad. Carolina more so, but still, it was not so pretty. Jake Delhomme seems to have misread the incentive based contract. Maybe he mixed up touchdowns and interceptions. I think every team that plays him this year should get him something nice at the end of the season, maybe a gift basket or a spa weekend. The game was close, until Delhomme threw a pick that put the game out of reach in the fourth quarter. That used to be Tony Romos job. Felix Jones could be a premier back if he got the ball more and avoid injury. He had ten fewer carries than Tashard Choice and he still racked up 92 yards. His average yards-per-carry has been almost obscene since he started playing last year. I'm telling you, this kid will destroy if given the chance.

That's all folks. I'm going to try to be more timely about my posts and get more material going. Tell your friends by the way. I could use some feedback, smack talk, or general dismantling of my writing.