A few thoughts on Week 2

Another week rolls by and we are once again blessed with spectacular plays and fortuitous meltdowns. The second week of the season is when we begin to see the true colors of a team and it's players. Everyone doubted the Saints were really as good as they looked against the hopeless Lions. Well, it pains me to say they stomped all over the Eagles in almost every facet of the game. Tom Brady, who showed flashes of brilliance in the closing minutes of last weeks turd of a win, looked like a one-legged old man jacking off in a hail storm.

As a new edition to my weekly review, I'll post a defensive and offensive player of the week in addition to top 3 plays of the week. I'm sorry to say that I may scale back some of the game reviews for lack of my precious time and the grace of your attention. Some games may not be covered because some games just aren't worth noting.

Offensive Player of the Week: Chris Johnson (TEN)

This kid is nuts. There's no way around the fact that given the time and space, he will take it all the way. He had 284 yards from scrimmage, three touchdowns, and averaged 12.3 yards per carry. How the Titans lost with that kind of production I cannot imagine. Watch the highlight reels and you will see. His scores came from runs of 57 and 91 yards and a pass that netted him 69 yards to go with the score. He led the team in every respect. Receptions, rushing yards, scoring, and total ass kickery. He even beat Kerry Collins for total yards. Good God!

Defensive Player of the Week: Antwan Odom (CIN)

Antwan Odom posted five sacks on Aaron Rodgers. I'm not going to give him all the credit. I think something might be up with the Green Bay O-line. Check his stats next week to see if hes for real. Not that I give a shit about the Bengals anyway. If they keep this up though, I might have to actually start paying attention. But I doubt it.

Plays of the Week... in no particular order.

1) Vincent Jackson 35-yd TD: The man beat the triple coverage and came down with the ball at the back of the end-zone.

2) Andre Johnson 19-yd TD: One handed at full speed. Ridiculous.

3) Mario Manningham 22-yd TD: Catches the ball, falls in the end zone, ball pops up, tackled, Manningham extends while on his back, and pulls in the catch. People had doubts about the Giants passing game after the departure of Plaxico. Only time will tell, but it seems they've upgraded.

Games


Falcons v. Panthers (28-20 Atlanta)

Matt Ryan. I can't say I'm the only one who thought this skinny white boy from PA wouldn't amount to much. It appears I was wrong. He seems to like his new pal Tony Gonzalez. These two seem to be building a relationship ala Manning/Clark or Romo/Witten. Also, has anyone noticed that tight ends seem to be coming up big this season? Moral victories have never counted for much, but I'd say Delhomme showed us that hes not a complete boob.

Vikings v. Lions (28-13 Minnesota)

Brett Favre is still a goober as far as I'm concerned. I don't care if he single-handedly finds Osama, cures cancer, and births nine super-human genius babies. He's still a home wrecker. AP still rocks the house. While he doesn't look as good as Mark Sanchez, I'd give Stafford some time to develop. He does have a premier WR at his disposal, and I predict that the Lions will get their first win before the Rams.

Bengals v. Packers (31-24 Cincinnati)

Is Antawn Odom really that good, or is the Packers O-line really that bad? I can't say for sure, but getting sacked five times by the same guy must have Aaron Rodgers pointing a finger at somebody. I didn't get a chance to watch any of the game, but I noticed that Greg Jennings, fantasy superstar, did not get the ball once. Donald Driver, who I'm pretty sure went to pre-school with Favre, got all sorts of looks. Ochocinco, despite his diva nature, never fails to entertain. He also got a touchdown. Good for him.

Cardinals v. Jaguars (31-17 Arizona)

Kurt Warner is the opposite of Brett Favre. He may be old, and he may be crazy (check out the footage of him drawing a picture of God for his kids... what a creep), but he's still got it. He completed something like 92% of his passes. What a monster. For all his hype, Fitzgerald is not producing like he used to. Why? Because I used my first round pick on him. I like Gerrard. Know why? Me neither. I like Tim Hightower. Know why? Because he's a duel-threat like my man Westbrook and I love this style of play. These shifty, smallish guys who confuse defenses and keep the game interesting are just one more facet that keeps it fresh and defenses reeeaaallly honest.

Raiders v. Cheifs (13-10 Oakland)

You can probably guess by the score that this game was tedious. JaMarcus Russell, 7/24 for 109 yards. No touchdown. Matt Cassel 21/39 for 241 yards. One touchdown. I love these kind of stats, because of all those 241 yards were in the middle of the field. Maybe a few that set up the field goal. Otherwise, useless. The Chiefs also had the ball for almost 3/4 of the game. Losers. If this were the Ravens and Steelers battling it out in the rain for a playoff spot, it might be interesting. But no. I love the Raiders and JaMarcus Russell. I'm pretty certain that Al Davis drinks heavily during games and calls all the plays by rolling dice. How can you not love such a reckless tycoon. Plus, it's the Raiders versus the Chiefs... who can really say they give a shit?

Jets vs. Patriots (9-16 New York)

Ahahaha! I smell the changing of the guard. I almost feel sorry for Tom Brady. Almost. Is he done? Probably not completely. He looked down right awful on Sunday. Even my girlfriend noticed. Is the Jets D really this good? I hope so. It would be great to see the division open up. You know, let someone else play for a little. Randy Moss was kept in check, which was also nice to see. For so long, it seemed he couldn't be covered 1-on-1. The series now stand at 50-49-1. With New York in the lead. The substantial losses for the Pats D is now plainly obvious. Maybe they were getting old, but nothing was done to replace them. Also, the loss of Richard Seymour spells KARMA. I would liken Seymour's departure (I see it as him getting fired) to that of a ship captain executing a senior officer in front of the crew. It says to me that anyone could lose their job at any time for the promise of a little booty down the line. I smell mutiny.

Saints v. Eagles (48-22 New Orleans)

This is a tough one to swallow... as they say. I'll start by defending Kevin Kolb. A week ago I was more likely to be caught running naked backwards through a cornfield (I must cite Gary Busy on this one) than endorsing Kevin "the pig skinner" Kolb. He did hand the Saints 14 points. I will note that the night before the draft I mocked a friend, a Pats fan, about how useless Ellis Hobbs was. It appears that I will have to eat those words. He gave away another seven. With 21 points given away by Kolb and the special teams, that makes it a one possession contest. But that's part of the game. Aside from some rookie like mistakes, he showed a fair amount of competence. He had some moments that make me think all is not lost. To Brees' credit, I must admit he dominates. The Saints are my back up team, and Sunday I realized why. Their offense is relentless. I seriously doubt any team could properly cover the Saints offense. All they can hope to do is keep them in check and rack up some points of their own. In lieu of an Eagles Super Bowl, I say... GO SAINTS!

Texans v. Titans (34-31 Houston)

Matt Schaub rebound... check. Chris Johnson affirmation of nastiness... check. Great game? Why not? As surprised as I am to see the Titans go 0-2, I will say they have a monster in Chris Johnson. Check the player of the week section above to see why. He accounted for 18 points and the majority of yards. Nasty. How you can not win with one guy doing all that? Oh, that's right, it's the Texans. Nobody has paid attention to the Texans for years, and it has paid off.

That team from Washington v. Rams (9-7 Washington)

I'd rather choke on my own fist than ever think about this game again. For the record, I'd like to note that I fear choking. Of any kind. Also, I will limit any reference to Washington until they do something about the negligent, insulting, and racist name/face of their team. In recent News, the German soccer league, Bundesliga, has admitted entry of a new team, named Die Juden. Just kidding, but honestly, it's not far off.

Bills v. Buccaneers (33-20 Buffalo)

The Bucs spent the whole game playing catch-up. Not the greatest. Plenty of action, big plays, and Byron Leftwich. 19 rushes to 50 passing attempts. I don't see the point throwing the ball... so much... when you're down. Everybody expects it. I understand it gains big yards in a small amount of time, but it's so obvious it's useless. Plus having Byron Leftwich doesn't make it any easier. The Bills seem to be moving at a nice clip. Their offense is not so bad, despite firing their O.C. a week before the season. We'll see how they shape up.

49'ers v. Seahawks (23-10 Seattle)

Frank Gore dominated this game. Check these basic stats and I think you'll have an idea.

Total Yards: Frank Gore, 246
Second Most: Sean Hill, 161
Longest Play by Frank Gore: 80
Longest by anyone else: 22 yard rec. by Housh.

I'd heard he was good.

Bears v. Steelers (17-14 Chicago)

The score indicates exactly what you would expect from these two defensive behemoths. Decided by a field goal late in the fourth quarter. Jay Cutler is still an asshole and Big Ben still looks like he doesn't get a whole lot of exercise for an athlete. Next subject.

Broncos v. Browns (27-6 Denver)

I root for Chad Pennington (I didn't always) because he was dropped to make room for Favre. This year I root for Kyle Orton because Jay Cutler is a loudmouth idiot. I don't really care much about the teams success as much as I do Orton's. Especially at the expense of Eric Mangini, the man who was partly responsible for Farve in New York. Other than that, there's not much to say about the true unimportance of this game. I should think that the Brown's will continue to suck, and therefor it's not so much what teams can walk over them so much as it is what sorry team actually loses to them.

Ravens v. Chargers (31-26 Baltimore)

What can I say. Two of last years playoff teams duking it out. The Ravens looked like they could be a division winner. The Chargers looked like they might scrape by with a wild card. The Chargers can put up some yards, but they can't get the deal done. I think it might have to do the Chargers refusal to admit that LT is putting on his "walk-off-into-the-sunset" boots. Rivers can play. We saw it last year, and it shows again. It will be interesting to see how Darren Sproles does with a season's worth of steady work. He's so tiny, it would be great to see him regularly gashing defenses. Joe Flacco also looked good. He didn't get the kind of aerial attack he might have wanted, but the game plan worked. As they say, if it ain't broke...

Giants v. Cowboys (33-31 New York)

I think everyone should watch the tour of the new Cowboys stadium with Tashard Choice. Youtube it. It was a close game and Tony Romo is playing like it's December. Christmas come a little early methinks. To his credit, a ball that should have gone to the ground was kicked by Dallas Clark into the dumbfound hands of whoever the fuck that was that notched the INT. Eli Manning seems to be doing fine with Steve Smith and Mario Manningham. Watch for them in the coming weeks, because I fear they may truly become a threat. If I hear any more "Manning to Maningham" jokes, I will stab my ears out with a dull lead pencil. Or at least threaten to again. And, let's not forget that Tony Romo ruined the grand opening of the new stadium.

Colts v. Dolphins (27-23 Indianapolis)

About this battle for the Animal Kingdom, David Attenborough said this,

"A team that plays defense for three quarters of the entire match will surely die."

David Attenborough did not say that. If these teams were really animals, and he did comment, I imagine he would say exactly that. Apparently, with 45 minutes of offense, the Miami Dolphins could not seal the deal. Talk about performance anxiety.

Thanks for tuning in. Once again I threatened to skip some games, but narcissism got the best of me and I just had to see my own words glowing before me. That being said, check back later for more astute observations and crippling profundity.