And the Saints go marching in... Week 4

Notables

People had doubts about the Saints defense. While they have yet to face a seriously potent offense, like the Colts perhaps, it has shown proficient enough to crush all of their opponents thus far. The Saints lead the NFL with a whopping 10 interceptions, with 2 of them returning for touchdowns. The Broncos have moved to 4-0, and people are starting to notice, including me. The Broncos defense has allowed an average of 6.5 points-per-game. I think this team might be for real. The Patriots once again squeaked out a win, thanks to Derrick Masons butter fingers. I know I'm often very down on the Patriots, but as much as I would like to try, I can't take away their wins. It doesn't matter so much how a team plays in October as long as they get wins. It matters in December and January, when it's win or go home. Dallas, despite obscene amounts of talent on both sides of the ball, can't seem to get in a groove, score points that matter, or win games. I think it might be time to ship Wade Phillips off to the meat packing plant where he belongs. Tony Romo could probably do better under a more coherent coaching staff, but that seems unlikely to happen. Being that I'm writing this on Monday afternoon, I have yet to watch the Favre saga unfold and thought maybe my three readers would appreciate the week off from Favre bashing. Moving on to more awesome.

Offensive Player of the Week: Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall

There has been much talk of this guy and he showed why against a porous San Diego run defense. He gouged them for a 165 yards on the ground and two TD's. I would say Peyton Manning if there were anything exceptional about his play. Except there's not. He almost always performs at a high level so I suppose you couldn't really call it news.

Defensive Player of the Week: Saints CB Darren Sharper

The man returned another interception for a touchdown. 99 yards as I hear it. He has five picks so far this year. In four games. Never mind that four of them came from rookie QB's and one from Kevin squeal-like-a-pig Kolb.

Bears v. Lions (48-24 Chicago)

If Jay Cutler is the devil in disguise then Matt Stafford represents the ineffectual musings of a youth group leader. Nonsense aside, Stafford put up a decent show, but nothing quite as dramatic as Cutler. If you haven't seen the rushing TD by Cutler, you must check it out. He was hit while diving into the endzone and pulled his best helicopter impression. The game was close. For the first half. Then the Lions showed up. It seems that this years Lions are the Rams, because Detroit is putting it's best foot forward. Never mind that that foot is clubbed, but at least it ain't amputated, as seems to be the case in St. Louis.

Bengals v. Browns (23-20 Cincinnati)

Braylon Edwards is finally being shipped out. Not that it matters, because the idea that addition by subtraction won't calculate, not even for faux-genius man-boy Mangini. If it wasn't for the luck stained stupidity of Carson Palmer and his 15-yard scramble on fourth-and-11 in overtime, the Bengals would have notched their second tie in two years. Which I will remind you is pathetic, because in the NFL you have ample time to win or fuck it up accordingly.

Texans v. Raiders (29-6 Houston)

There's not much left to say about the Raiders. Darren McFadden was supposed to get the running game going, but apparently he takes his cues from Al Davis and JaMarcus Russell. I propose the Raiders change their name to The Santa Clause's, considering the way they hand out gift wrapped wins while everyone is sleeping.

Colts v. Seahawks (34-17 Indianapolis)

Peyton Manning seems to have a big chubby for regular season wins. The Colts regular season streak is now at 13. If these guys weren't so prone to losing in the playoffs, I would be a little more concerned. The Seahawks seem to have jettisoned their hopes of winning and have put their fate in the hands of Seneca Wallace. They have Julius Jones and Edgerrin James in the backfield and they split 15 carries between the two of them compared to Wallace's 45 attempts. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you are losing I understand the inclination to throw and get back some points quick, but if everybody expects it, the defense doesn't have to play that honestly. And then you lose. If you run the ball more, keep the defense off balance, wear them down and chew up some clock, you can rest your own D and play a balanced game. Not that half of the cretinous simpletons coaching these teams would ever think to play a patient game.

Jaguars v. Titans (37-17 Jacksonville)

Wow. The Titans are just fucking awful. I don't know what happened. I didn't get a chance to watch this one and I'm glad I didn't. The Jaguars scored on five of their first six drives. I suggest replacing the Titans Gatorade cooler with straight methamphetamine. That way they might actually compete at a respectable level.

Giants v. Chiefs (27-16 New York)

Eli manning was hurt. Plantar fasciitis is the diagnosis. That means his foot will probably hurt all season. Which is a good thing for Eagles fans like myself. Such a shame too for Giants fans. He was looking like an elite so far. Oh well. If he keeps playing at the same level he will have a career season. The Chiefs? Who told them they were allowed to play pro? Larry Johnson blamed the loss on ego in his post game press conference. Who's ego it was, he didn't specify. I think what he meant to say was "Leggo my ego," as in, give me back my frozen Eggo waffle. Turds.

Patriots v. Ravens (27-21 New England)

Close game. Brady seems to be getting in a rhythm with his receivers. I will remind all Patriots fans that before 2007, Brady never surpassed 30 TD's. He was always a clutch player, but never that prolific. I see a return to that trend. I like the more civilian numbers anyway. This win, much like several this season, was not so much the Patriots outplaying their opponents as it was capitalizing on a few opportunities. When it comes down to the wire, that's what separates the losers from the winners.

Negligent Racists v. Buccaneers (16-13 Washington)

Who cares. If anyone reading this has any vested interest in either of these teams, I highly recommend you develop a steady drinking habit. Moving on.

Dolphins v. Bills (38-10 Miami)

I like Miamis ground game. Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams are not exactly elite, but they ground out this wildcat thing with serious consistency. By eating up so much clock, they tend to control the flow of the game. Too bad most of them end up in the loss column.

Saints v. Jets (24-10 New Orleans)

The Saints offense didn't score a touchdown until late in the fourth quarter. Which says a lot of the Jets defense as well as the offense. The Saints seem to be such a finely tuned machine these days it seems almost too good to be true. If they can maintain this kind of momentum and balanced play, I wouldn't put a Superbowl past them. Drew Brees failed to score for the second week in a row, which tells me that the passing attack can be beat. The problem is that the running game can be just as scary. Mark Sanchez finally played like a rookie, which is always nice to see.

Broncos v. Cowboys (17-10 Denver)

Tony Romo, like George W. Bush, seems to be making satirists obsolete. It's never a good sign when the coach has to clarify that the starting QB of three years might not have known what down it was. Whoops. Denver sacked Romo five times. Kyle Orton looks more and more like a steal with every passing game. He doesn't have much arm strength but with Correll Buckhalter and Knowshon Moreno in the backfield, not to mention the other seven or so backs Denver has, he doesn't have to force it. The juxtaposition of these teams truly shows that it's not important how much talent you have, but how you utilize it. As they say, it's not how deep you fish...

49ers v.Rams (35-0 San Francisco)

Shutout. Second this year for the Rams. Crabtree signed. Steven Jackson seems to be carrying the load for this shit heap of a team. Moving on.

Steelers v. Chargers (38-28 Pittsburgh)

I think I said it last week, but it seems official now; LT is done. From what I watched, he's lost a step and he's indecisive about finding the hole. He actually fell at one point without being hit. The Chargers failed to find the offensive groove for most of game. Then they showed up late in the third quarter to make it close. The Steelers, for the first half anyway, just stomped all over the Chargers D. They finally looked like the Superbowl team from last year. As for the Chargers, too little too late makes for embarrassing losses.

Packers v. Vikings (Minnesota 30-23)

What can I say? Must I eat my words? For now I must. Favre looked ridiculous. He had enough time in the pocket to make a sandwich, do his taxes, and harass an intern. Aaron Rodgers on the other hand was sacked eight times. If they don't get that offensive line in check the Packers will have no use for the explosive talent of Aaron Rodgers, Greg Jennings, and Donald Driver. I applaud the Packers for keeping Adrian Peterson in check, but that opened up too much for Favre. I highly recommend that the Packers shake up the defensive play calling for the rematch at Lambeau, otherwise I imagine Favre's experience will once again get the best of them. I mean, the guy only played for Green Bay for something like 15 years. And on another note, Favre is the first player to have beaten every team in the NFL. What an asshole.

That's all folks. Check the sidebar for some links to better blogs about football. Then go there and leave a dirty paper trail that leads back here.

Look out for next week's new bit, Dragons v. Donkeys.

Dragons- Mythical winged beasts capable of awe inspiring destruction with a taste for fair maidens.

Donkeys- Obnoxious and pestilent creatures ridden by fat slobs with a taste for their own feces.

I think you can see the obvious comparisons in the NFL

Also, I need an editor. I won't pay you, but I can assure you that my sexual prowess and comprehensive knowledge of the cosmos will greatly increase your social stature and confidence.