Kibbles and Vick: A Preseason Primer

Welcome to the Glory of Chicken, Cheap Beer, and Football. Within these digital pages of you will find smokey writings of the aforementioned chicken, cheap beer, and FOOTBALL! Every week you can check in to hear me sound off on the latest in football news, woeful tales of fandom, chicken mishaps, and everything in between. Who had the best hits? Who runs with the vision of a Cherokee warrior on a mission? Who commands the front lines, the offensive weapons, like generals of old? I can't say for sure, but we'll get started on September 13th. After that, it's out of our hands. Specualtions be damned. The Cowboys, last years superbowl pick for many, failed to make the playoffs. Everyone all of a sudden realized the Machael Turner and Larry Fitgerald were class acts. It's out of our hands. Gladiators might be a thing of the past, but take of away the swords, the slaves, and the chariots, and hand out million dollar contracts, put on pads, put it on TV, and you've got the NFL. I couldn't ask for much more.


Let the games begin.

As a sit here at my local my local cafe, with the excitement and anticipation of bone-crushing hits and over-the-top touchdown celebrations running laps in my scotch soaked cranium, I can't help but think this season will be more exciting than the last. It almost always is. Favre is back... again. Michael Vick is out of the kennel and ready to demoralize defensive coordinators everywhere. Tom Brady is also back. I don't think it would be an understatement to say Mr. Bundchen has a hefty chip on his shoulder. I mean, who wouldn't be after breaking all sorts of records, going 18-0, and getting beaten in the final minutes by a man who nearly shot off his own genitals with a gun held to his waist by the elastic of his sweatpants. If that weren't bad enough, try sitting out for 99.9% of the rest of the following season. As much as I would love to go on about Plaxico and his low-down dirty ways, that's old news. Hes going to jail, not just for shooting himself, but for being a complete goober. It is worth noting that Plaxico shot himself and got two years. Vick did some unmentionable things to dogs. He got roughly two years. Does that mean they even out? I'll let you decide.

What have we learned over the past year? The Steelers defense is still dominant. The curtain is being drawn once again. Kurt Warner, at the tender age of 39, can still play. Reggie Bush was not exactly worth all the fuss. Sure, he'll get his touches and fair share of points, but will he truly contribute to Drew Brees' relentless offense? I doubt it, considering the fact that as far as ground game is concerned, Pierre Thomas is in the drivers seat. Bill Belechick has confirmed that almost any QB in his system will succeed. Now, as far as missing the play-offs with an 11-5 record is concerned, I have no comment.

Andy Reed is still fat, Brian Westbrook is still hurt, and it's only a matter if time before Philadelphia fans throw McNabb under the bus... again. I imagine most Philadelphia sports fans would sell their own mothers to a whore house in Tijuana in exchange for a championship and gloating rights.

Chad "the pushover" Pennington made Mangini and the Jets organization second guess themselves, got himself a job in sunny Miami and a "comeback player of the year" award, and then proceeded to throw picks in the playoffs like he was getting paid for each interception. The Pennington of old.

The Wildcat formation took off and Ronnie Brown showed all us doubters that spicing up the offensive schemes forces defenses to think a little harder.

Last season showed us that rookie QB's can contribute. Both Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan came flying out of the gates. Ryan even helped his team get to the playoffs. Having Michael Turner didn't hurt either. Can we expect the same from Mark Sanchez? Matt Stafford? Only time will tell. Tomlinson is showing signs of age and Adrian Peterson looks like he's ready to dishout some headaches. Heres a thought... how scary would it be if AP put Favre up on his shoulders and ran around while old man winter dishes out the long bombs? It might be the only way to keep Favre from getting shattered on the field.

T.O. is still T.O., just in Buffalo, and Chad Johnson is now officially Chad Ochocinco the kicker. Michael Vick is at least pretending to be a nice guy. Maybe he is. Maybe he's just a little cold-blooded Machiavalli with a rocket arm and road runner legs. Maybe he's washed up. Only time will tell.

The NFL will never cease to keep us on our toes. With so many over-paid diva wide receivers (ahem... Brandon Marshall), gladiatorial monsters (I'm looking your way Polamalu!), and AARP cardholders like Favre, its impossible to get bored. And let us not forget that football season implies chickn. Hot chicken. And lot's of it.