And the Saints go marching in... Week 4

Notables

People had doubts about the Saints defense. While they have yet to face a seriously potent offense, like the Colts perhaps, it has shown proficient enough to crush all of their opponents thus far. The Saints lead the NFL with a whopping 10 interceptions, with 2 of them returning for touchdowns. The Broncos have moved to 4-0, and people are starting to notice, including me. The Broncos defense has allowed an average of 6.5 points-per-game. I think this team might be for real. The Patriots once again squeaked out a win, thanks to Derrick Masons butter fingers. I know I'm often very down on the Patriots, but as much as I would like to try, I can't take away their wins. It doesn't matter so much how a team plays in October as long as they get wins. It matters in December and January, when it's win or go home. Dallas, despite obscene amounts of talent on both sides of the ball, can't seem to get in a groove, score points that matter, or win games. I think it might be time to ship Wade Phillips off to the meat packing plant where he belongs. Tony Romo could probably do better under a more coherent coaching staff, but that seems unlikely to happen. Being that I'm writing this on Monday afternoon, I have yet to watch the Favre saga unfold and thought maybe my three readers would appreciate the week off from Favre bashing. Moving on to more awesome.

Offensive Player of the Week: Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall

There has been much talk of this guy and he showed why against a porous San Diego run defense. He gouged them for a 165 yards on the ground and two TD's. I would say Peyton Manning if there were anything exceptional about his play. Except there's not. He almost always performs at a high level so I suppose you couldn't really call it news.

Defensive Player of the Week: Saints CB Darren Sharper

The man returned another interception for a touchdown. 99 yards as I hear it. He has five picks so far this year. In four games. Never mind that four of them came from rookie QB's and one from Kevin squeal-like-a-pig Kolb.

Bears v. Lions (48-24 Chicago)

If Jay Cutler is the devil in disguise then Matt Stafford represents the ineffectual musings of a youth group leader. Nonsense aside, Stafford put up a decent show, but nothing quite as dramatic as Cutler. If you haven't seen the rushing TD by Cutler, you must check it out. He was hit while diving into the endzone and pulled his best helicopter impression. The game was close. For the first half. Then the Lions showed up. It seems that this years Lions are the Rams, because Detroit is putting it's best foot forward. Never mind that that foot is clubbed, but at least it ain't amputated, as seems to be the case in St. Louis.

Bengals v. Browns (23-20 Cincinnati)

Braylon Edwards is finally being shipped out. Not that it matters, because the idea that addition by subtraction won't calculate, not even for faux-genius man-boy Mangini. If it wasn't for the luck stained stupidity of Carson Palmer and his 15-yard scramble on fourth-and-11 in overtime, the Bengals would have notched their second tie in two years. Which I will remind you is pathetic, because in the NFL you have ample time to win or fuck it up accordingly.

Texans v. Raiders (29-6 Houston)

There's not much left to say about the Raiders. Darren McFadden was supposed to get the running game going, but apparently he takes his cues from Al Davis and JaMarcus Russell. I propose the Raiders change their name to The Santa Clause's, considering the way they hand out gift wrapped wins while everyone is sleeping.

Colts v. Seahawks (34-17 Indianapolis)

Peyton Manning seems to have a big chubby for regular season wins. The Colts regular season streak is now at 13. If these guys weren't so prone to losing in the playoffs, I would be a little more concerned. The Seahawks seem to have jettisoned their hopes of winning and have put their fate in the hands of Seneca Wallace. They have Julius Jones and Edgerrin James in the backfield and they split 15 carries between the two of them compared to Wallace's 45 attempts. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you are losing I understand the inclination to throw and get back some points quick, but if everybody expects it, the defense doesn't have to play that honestly. And then you lose. If you run the ball more, keep the defense off balance, wear them down and chew up some clock, you can rest your own D and play a balanced game. Not that half of the cretinous simpletons coaching these teams would ever think to play a patient game.

Jaguars v. Titans (37-17 Jacksonville)

Wow. The Titans are just fucking awful. I don't know what happened. I didn't get a chance to watch this one and I'm glad I didn't. The Jaguars scored on five of their first six drives. I suggest replacing the Titans Gatorade cooler with straight methamphetamine. That way they might actually compete at a respectable level.

Giants v. Chiefs (27-16 New York)

Eli manning was hurt. Plantar fasciitis is the diagnosis. That means his foot will probably hurt all season. Which is a good thing for Eagles fans like myself. Such a shame too for Giants fans. He was looking like an elite so far. Oh well. If he keeps playing at the same level he will have a career season. The Chiefs? Who told them they were allowed to play pro? Larry Johnson blamed the loss on ego in his post game press conference. Who's ego it was, he didn't specify. I think what he meant to say was "Leggo my ego," as in, give me back my frozen Eggo waffle. Turds.

Patriots v. Ravens (27-21 New England)

Close game. Brady seems to be getting in a rhythm with his receivers. I will remind all Patriots fans that before 2007, Brady never surpassed 30 TD's. He was always a clutch player, but never that prolific. I see a return to that trend. I like the more civilian numbers anyway. This win, much like several this season, was not so much the Patriots outplaying their opponents as it was capitalizing on a few opportunities. When it comes down to the wire, that's what separates the losers from the winners.

Negligent Racists v. Buccaneers (16-13 Washington)

Who cares. If anyone reading this has any vested interest in either of these teams, I highly recommend you develop a steady drinking habit. Moving on.

Dolphins v. Bills (38-10 Miami)

I like Miamis ground game. Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams are not exactly elite, but they ground out this wildcat thing with serious consistency. By eating up so much clock, they tend to control the flow of the game. Too bad most of them end up in the loss column.

Saints v. Jets (24-10 New Orleans)

The Saints offense didn't score a touchdown until late in the fourth quarter. Which says a lot of the Jets defense as well as the offense. The Saints seem to be such a finely tuned machine these days it seems almost too good to be true. If they can maintain this kind of momentum and balanced play, I wouldn't put a Superbowl past them. Drew Brees failed to score for the second week in a row, which tells me that the passing attack can be beat. The problem is that the running game can be just as scary. Mark Sanchez finally played like a rookie, which is always nice to see.

Broncos v. Cowboys (17-10 Denver)

Tony Romo, like George W. Bush, seems to be making satirists obsolete. It's never a good sign when the coach has to clarify that the starting QB of three years might not have known what down it was. Whoops. Denver sacked Romo five times. Kyle Orton looks more and more like a steal with every passing game. He doesn't have much arm strength but with Correll Buckhalter and Knowshon Moreno in the backfield, not to mention the other seven or so backs Denver has, he doesn't have to force it. The juxtaposition of these teams truly shows that it's not important how much talent you have, but how you utilize it. As they say, it's not how deep you fish...

49ers v.Rams (35-0 San Francisco)

Shutout. Second this year for the Rams. Crabtree signed. Steven Jackson seems to be carrying the load for this shit heap of a team. Moving on.

Steelers v. Chargers (38-28 Pittsburgh)

I think I said it last week, but it seems official now; LT is done. From what I watched, he's lost a step and he's indecisive about finding the hole. He actually fell at one point without being hit. The Chargers failed to find the offensive groove for most of game. Then they showed up late in the third quarter to make it close. The Steelers, for the first half anyway, just stomped all over the Chargers D. They finally looked like the Superbowl team from last year. As for the Chargers, too little too late makes for embarrassing losses.

Packers v. Vikings (Minnesota 30-23)

What can I say? Must I eat my words? For now I must. Favre looked ridiculous. He had enough time in the pocket to make a sandwich, do his taxes, and harass an intern. Aaron Rodgers on the other hand was sacked eight times. If they don't get that offensive line in check the Packers will have no use for the explosive talent of Aaron Rodgers, Greg Jennings, and Donald Driver. I applaud the Packers for keeping Adrian Peterson in check, but that opened up too much for Favre. I highly recommend that the Packers shake up the defensive play calling for the rematch at Lambeau, otherwise I imagine Favre's experience will once again get the best of them. I mean, the guy only played for Green Bay for something like 15 years. And on another note, Favre is the first player to have beaten every team in the NFL. What an asshole.

That's all folks. Check the sidebar for some links to better blogs about football. Then go there and leave a dirty paper trail that leads back here.

Look out for next week's new bit, Dragons v. Donkeys.

Dragons- Mythical winged beasts capable of awe inspiring destruction with a taste for fair maidens.

Donkeys- Obnoxious and pestilent creatures ridden by fat slobs with a taste for their own feces.

I think you can see the obvious comparisons in the NFL

Also, I need an editor. I won't pay you, but I can assure you that my sexual prowess and comprehensive knowledge of the cosmos will greatly increase your social stature and confidence.

Week Three and The Greg Lewis Effect

Who is Greg Lewis? Look him up on Wikipedia and you will see that his picture appears to have been taken by a cell phone. That's how anonymous he is. He was a walk-on in college, he was undrafted in the NFL, he's caught a touchdown pass in the Superbowl, and he's still a relative unknown. He has played wideout since 2003. He's the guy who caught the hail mary from Brett Favre in the closing seconds of Minnesota's turd win. They won because Greg Lewis made an amazing catch in the back of the end zone. I imagine Greg Lewis will continue to remain anonymous. This is another reason why I can't stand Brett Favre. The man throws a hail mary, a what-the-fuck-why-not-just-wing-it throw, and someone comes up with it. Thankfully it was someone on his team, because there was about half the defense crammed into the end zone waiting to get hit in the hands with an errant football lobbed into the air as aimlessly as the bird shit on your windshield. That man was Greg Lewis, and he's making Brett Favre look like a hero. Even Favre admits he didn't do anything special.

Moving on, the week in review.

Offensive Player of the Week: Lions QB Matt Stafford

Because he pulled the Lions out of the trenches. He threw a TD, no picks, and probably felt like Jesus in Detroit.

Defensive Player of the Week: Jets LB Davis Harris

A fourth quarter interception and sack for a loss on consecutive drives where the Titans could have tied it up. Talk about coming up big.

Plays of the Week

Greg Lewis- Hail Mary TD in the closing seconds of the Vikings win.

Reggie Wayne- One-handed TD. Nuts. Watch it.

Donald Driver- Left-handed 46 yard reception. He landed on the arm he caught it with and maintained control.

Honorable Mention: Maurice Jones Drew- This guy is magic. Just watch the highlights. At a diminutive 5'7", it's kind of crazy to watch his mix of speed, power, and nimbleness in the face of the monsters trying to bring him down.

Note: I'm sure there are better plays every week. These are just the ones I catch that stand out. Have you noticed that I'm a big sucker for one-handed catches? Love it.

Ravens v. Browns (34-3 Baltimore)

To quote NFL.com,
It was over when ...
Ravens QB Joe Flacco threw a 72-yard touchdown down the left sideline to Derrick Mason. The touchdown, which gave Baltimore a 34-3 lead with 8:05 left, came one play after Baltimore forced its fourth turnover of the game.

I'm pretty sure it was over as soon as the Browns walked onto the field. The Browns scored their first points, three to be exact, half way through the fourth quarter. Please. This is another reason you should read my blog instead.

Lions v. Foreskins (DETRIOT WINS BY ENOUGH TO CALL IT A WIN!)

I love these moments. A team is often defined by its greatness, its successes and failures, in the face of adversity. The Lions became known for their obscene losing streak. Something like twenty games. That spans three seasons. There is a whole organization whose sole focus is built around winning games. Yet, much like the same Detroit organizations responsible for American automobiles, their success is now measured by their ability to avoid total collapse. I applaud you Detroit. Washington, I think it might be time for a change.

Jaguars v. Texans (31-24 Jacksonville)

I'm starting to think the hype in Houston is misinformed. My own included. Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson are fantasy stars, sure, but seem to be operating under questionable management. Maurice Jones-Drew, fantasy monster no doubt, severely demoralized the Texans defense for three TDs and 147 total yards.

Patriots v. Falcons (26-10 New England)

New England continues to find ways to win. It's hasn't been pretty this season, but they've done it. All eyes have been on Tom Brady and this week Belichik limited his throws and gave the ball to Fred Jackson, who apparently still has it. I saw a picture of Tom Brady from the game and for the first time my gut response wasn't take a dump in his socks. He had his eyes clenched as tightly as his victory fist with a look a sheer joy. It looked as if moments before he was not exactly confident of his chances of success. I like to see that. I would also like to see the Patriots miss the playoffs again, but as they say, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Eagles v. Chiefs 34-14 (Philadelphia)

There's a lot of talent on the young side of the Eagles. Plus, there's nothing like boosting your delinquent ego by feasting on the Chiefs. I liked watching Kevin Kolb not give the game away. He left that to the Chiefs. It was a nice rebound from drubbing the Saints laid out. Not much to say about this game other than the fact that I think Matt Cassell was a waste of money.

Packers v. Rams (36-17 Green Bay)

The Packers needed this win. Badly. Other than that, I see little worth noting. The Rams are terrible. Check. Steven Jackson carried the team. Check. Green Bay can score. Check. Aaron Rodgers gets sacked. Check. Moving on.

Giants v. Buccaneers (24-0 New York)

It's official. The Giants are a relentless threat on every side of the ball. I'm not saying the Bucs are that great. Or that I like Eli Manning. But when you stuff the box, the throw all over you. When you drop back in coverage, Jacobs and Bradshaw will stomp you. Not to mention Justin Tuck, Mathias Kiwanuka, and Osi Umenyiora harassing QB's all day. Put a fork in the Bucs, because they're done.

Jets v. Titans (24-17 New York)

Mark Sanchez eh? What a guy. The Jets defense is formidable and next weeks matchup against the Saints will provide the true litmus test. Rex Ryan? Who doesn't love a fat and volatile loudmouth? I'd say it's a cornerstone of American television. What can I say about the Titans? Not much. They have playmakers, but they can't seem to work them into wins. They have as many losses this season as they had all of last season. I think they could still bounce back for a wild card spot, but it seems highly unlikely.

Saints v. Bills (27-7 New Orleans)

Drew Brees was held without a touchdown. That's not to say that the Saints offense is lacking, no sir. Instead they unleashed the running game, even letting Reggie Bush carry the ball a bit. By stretching the defense, Brees kept the ball short. Pierre Thomas made his glorious season debut and capped it off with two TD's. T.O. was without a catch for the first time since the dinosaurs walked the earth. I'm now taking bets on when the T.O. shows explodes and Trent Edwards finds a horse head on his bed.

Bears v. Seahawks (25-19 Chicago)

Jay Cutler is paying off for Chicago, which I'm sure fans of the windy city are sure to enjoy. I can't remember the last time Chicago had a real gunslinger at the helm. Devin Hester seems to be running better routs, which could make for a dangerous team. The Seahawks seem to be running with the middle of the pack, but their schedule won't do them any favors. Hasselbecks return might help, and their defense is sufficient, but I just don't see them making it very far. Housh may have seemed like a great pick up in the offseason, but I've said it before and I'll say it again; he worked better when defenses were worried about Ochocinco. As a number one guy, I think he'll be limited. Moving on.

Bengals v. Steelers (23-10 Cincinnati)

Gotta love watching the Superbowl champs going 1-2 while getting thrashed in the 4th quarter by the Bengals. Not much else to say, but look out for the Bengals defense. They could be nasty.

Broncos v. Raiders (23-3 Denver)

I like JaMarcus Russell, maybe because he is the worst QB in the league who gets to keep his job. I think the blame is not necessarily to be placed squarely on Russell, but the organization which surrounds him. He clearly has bad coaching and what I'm told is a bad work ethic. He has such talent and athleticism, but I don't think he ever adjusted to the speed of the NFL. That being said, the Broncos are on a tear. I didn't see them making much of Kyle Orton, but they've made do with the army of running backs at their disposal. I must say, I love to see Brian Dawkins win games no matter who he plays for.

Chargers v. Dolphins (23-13 San Diego)

It's amazing how vulnerable the Chargers look without a certain LaDanian Tomlinson. Darren Sproles has filled in nicely with his skill set, but the fact that they can rarely lean on LT shows in a big way. Phillip Rivers has stepped up nicely, using his legs in the third quarter to score the Chargers only offensive touchdown of the game. He threw for 303 yards, 120 of them to Vincent Jackson no less. Chad Pennington went down and out for the season, which I'm sure nobody but Pennington is too upset about. The Dolphins now sit at 0-3, which tells me that last years success was a minor coincidence. I imagine the true rebuilding of this storied franchise is starting to take shape. The game was rather ugly across the board, but in my mind if a team can scrap out wins it doesn't matter how they got them. There are no moral victories and as they say, almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Colts v. Cardinals (31-10 Indianapolis)

This game started off ugly. It ended ugly, but for different reasons. The first quarter was littered with punts. The offense from both teams looked a mere shadow of the former glory we're used to. Then, somehow, the Colts turned up the volume and just dominated. Peyton Manning doesn't really seem to miss Marvin Harrison too much, seeing that Reggie Wayne could pretty much catch a meteor if he chose to. Check out the the first TD to Wayne. One handed craziness. God I love this game. As for the Cardinals, I don't know what to say. They had a few great moments, but no much else. The Colts had not allowed a TD through the air until this game, which is all well and good for the Cardinals. But with the likes of Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, and Steve Breaston in the field, I would have imagined a few TD's. The Arizona offense just looked stunned the whole time. I imagine it's because Kurt Warner is a Jesus freak and he probably brings his hellfire and brimstone crap to the huddle. That being said, I think it's best to leave Jesus at home on game day.

On a more amusing note, here's a clip of what you might hear in a Cardinals huddle, assuming that Kurt Warner gets his material from www.hellfire-and-brimstone.org

Most people in hell never expected to go there. In fact, I would guess it might be impossible to intend to go to hell. Hell is just too horrible of a place. It would be like having the ability to hold a soldiering iron or a torch to one's own underarm or being able to gouge one's own eyes out slowly with one's own fingers. It would take intense training to be able to harm oneself that way because God has not designed us to do that to ourselves intentionally. But, we can lock ourselves in and put ourselves under the control of Satan and others who would bring harm to us later against our will.

If your wondering where that came from, just youtube some Kurt Warner interviews. There you will find footage of the man drawing a picture of God. I kid you not.

Moving on.

Cowboys v. Panthers (21-7 Dallas)

I've got to say, these teams look just sad. Carolina more so, but still, it was not so pretty. Jake Delhomme seems to have misread the incentive based contract. Maybe he mixed up touchdowns and interceptions. I think every team that plays him this year should get him something nice at the end of the season, maybe a gift basket or a spa weekend. The game was close, until Delhomme threw a pick that put the game out of reach in the fourth quarter. That used to be Tony Romos job. Felix Jones could be a premier back if he got the ball more and avoid injury. He had ten fewer carries than Tashard Choice and he still racked up 92 yards. His average yards-per-carry has been almost obscene since he started playing last year. I'm telling you, this kid will destroy if given the chance.

That's all folks. I'm going to try to be more timely about my posts and get more material going. Tell your friends by the way. I could use some feedback, smack talk, or general dismantling of my writing.

A few thoughts on Week 2

Another week rolls by and we are once again blessed with spectacular plays and fortuitous meltdowns. The second week of the season is when we begin to see the true colors of a team and it's players. Everyone doubted the Saints were really as good as they looked against the hopeless Lions. Well, it pains me to say they stomped all over the Eagles in almost every facet of the game. Tom Brady, who showed flashes of brilliance in the closing minutes of last weeks turd of a win, looked like a one-legged old man jacking off in a hail storm.

As a new edition to my weekly review, I'll post a defensive and offensive player of the week in addition to top 3 plays of the week. I'm sorry to say that I may scale back some of the game reviews for lack of my precious time and the grace of your attention. Some games may not be covered because some games just aren't worth noting.

Offensive Player of the Week: Chris Johnson (TEN)

This kid is nuts. There's no way around the fact that given the time and space, he will take it all the way. He had 284 yards from scrimmage, three touchdowns, and averaged 12.3 yards per carry. How the Titans lost with that kind of production I cannot imagine. Watch the highlight reels and you will see. His scores came from runs of 57 and 91 yards and a pass that netted him 69 yards to go with the score. He led the team in every respect. Receptions, rushing yards, scoring, and total ass kickery. He even beat Kerry Collins for total yards. Good God!

Defensive Player of the Week: Antwan Odom (CIN)

Antwan Odom posted five sacks on Aaron Rodgers. I'm not going to give him all the credit. I think something might be up with the Green Bay O-line. Check his stats next week to see if hes for real. Not that I give a shit about the Bengals anyway. If they keep this up though, I might have to actually start paying attention. But I doubt it.

Plays of the Week... in no particular order.

1) Vincent Jackson 35-yd TD: The man beat the triple coverage and came down with the ball at the back of the end-zone.

2) Andre Johnson 19-yd TD: One handed at full speed. Ridiculous.

3) Mario Manningham 22-yd TD: Catches the ball, falls in the end zone, ball pops up, tackled, Manningham extends while on his back, and pulls in the catch. People had doubts about the Giants passing game after the departure of Plaxico. Only time will tell, but it seems they've upgraded.

Games


Falcons v. Panthers (28-20 Atlanta)

Matt Ryan. I can't say I'm the only one who thought this skinny white boy from PA wouldn't amount to much. It appears I was wrong. He seems to like his new pal Tony Gonzalez. These two seem to be building a relationship ala Manning/Clark or Romo/Witten. Also, has anyone noticed that tight ends seem to be coming up big this season? Moral victories have never counted for much, but I'd say Delhomme showed us that hes not a complete boob.

Vikings v. Lions (28-13 Minnesota)

Brett Favre is still a goober as far as I'm concerned. I don't care if he single-handedly finds Osama, cures cancer, and births nine super-human genius babies. He's still a home wrecker. AP still rocks the house. While he doesn't look as good as Mark Sanchez, I'd give Stafford some time to develop. He does have a premier WR at his disposal, and I predict that the Lions will get their first win before the Rams.

Bengals v. Packers (31-24 Cincinnati)

Is Antawn Odom really that good, or is the Packers O-line really that bad? I can't say for sure, but getting sacked five times by the same guy must have Aaron Rodgers pointing a finger at somebody. I didn't get a chance to watch any of the game, but I noticed that Greg Jennings, fantasy superstar, did not get the ball once. Donald Driver, who I'm pretty sure went to pre-school with Favre, got all sorts of looks. Ochocinco, despite his diva nature, never fails to entertain. He also got a touchdown. Good for him.

Cardinals v. Jaguars (31-17 Arizona)

Kurt Warner is the opposite of Brett Favre. He may be old, and he may be crazy (check out the footage of him drawing a picture of God for his kids... what a creep), but he's still got it. He completed something like 92% of his passes. What a monster. For all his hype, Fitzgerald is not producing like he used to. Why? Because I used my first round pick on him. I like Gerrard. Know why? Me neither. I like Tim Hightower. Know why? Because he's a duel-threat like my man Westbrook and I love this style of play. These shifty, smallish guys who confuse defenses and keep the game interesting are just one more facet that keeps it fresh and defenses reeeaaallly honest.

Raiders v. Cheifs (13-10 Oakland)

You can probably guess by the score that this game was tedious. JaMarcus Russell, 7/24 for 109 yards. No touchdown. Matt Cassel 21/39 for 241 yards. One touchdown. I love these kind of stats, because of all those 241 yards were in the middle of the field. Maybe a few that set up the field goal. Otherwise, useless. The Chiefs also had the ball for almost 3/4 of the game. Losers. If this were the Ravens and Steelers battling it out in the rain for a playoff spot, it might be interesting. But no. I love the Raiders and JaMarcus Russell. I'm pretty certain that Al Davis drinks heavily during games and calls all the plays by rolling dice. How can you not love such a reckless tycoon. Plus, it's the Raiders versus the Chiefs... who can really say they give a shit?

Jets vs. Patriots (9-16 New York)

Ahahaha! I smell the changing of the guard. I almost feel sorry for Tom Brady. Almost. Is he done? Probably not completely. He looked down right awful on Sunday. Even my girlfriend noticed. Is the Jets D really this good? I hope so. It would be great to see the division open up. You know, let someone else play for a little. Randy Moss was kept in check, which was also nice to see. For so long, it seemed he couldn't be covered 1-on-1. The series now stand at 50-49-1. With New York in the lead. The substantial losses for the Pats D is now plainly obvious. Maybe they were getting old, but nothing was done to replace them. Also, the loss of Richard Seymour spells KARMA. I would liken Seymour's departure (I see it as him getting fired) to that of a ship captain executing a senior officer in front of the crew. It says to me that anyone could lose their job at any time for the promise of a little booty down the line. I smell mutiny.

Saints v. Eagles (48-22 New Orleans)

This is a tough one to swallow... as they say. I'll start by defending Kevin Kolb. A week ago I was more likely to be caught running naked backwards through a cornfield (I must cite Gary Busy on this one) than endorsing Kevin "the pig skinner" Kolb. He did hand the Saints 14 points. I will note that the night before the draft I mocked a friend, a Pats fan, about how useless Ellis Hobbs was. It appears that I will have to eat those words. He gave away another seven. With 21 points given away by Kolb and the special teams, that makes it a one possession contest. But that's part of the game. Aside from some rookie like mistakes, he showed a fair amount of competence. He had some moments that make me think all is not lost. To Brees' credit, I must admit he dominates. The Saints are my back up team, and Sunday I realized why. Their offense is relentless. I seriously doubt any team could properly cover the Saints offense. All they can hope to do is keep them in check and rack up some points of their own. In lieu of an Eagles Super Bowl, I say... GO SAINTS!

Texans v. Titans (34-31 Houston)

Matt Schaub rebound... check. Chris Johnson affirmation of nastiness... check. Great game? Why not? As surprised as I am to see the Titans go 0-2, I will say they have a monster in Chris Johnson. Check the player of the week section above to see why. He accounted for 18 points and the majority of yards. Nasty. How you can not win with one guy doing all that? Oh, that's right, it's the Texans. Nobody has paid attention to the Texans for years, and it has paid off.

That team from Washington v. Rams (9-7 Washington)

I'd rather choke on my own fist than ever think about this game again. For the record, I'd like to note that I fear choking. Of any kind. Also, I will limit any reference to Washington until they do something about the negligent, insulting, and racist name/face of their team. In recent News, the German soccer league, Bundesliga, has admitted entry of a new team, named Die Juden. Just kidding, but honestly, it's not far off.

Bills v. Buccaneers (33-20 Buffalo)

The Bucs spent the whole game playing catch-up. Not the greatest. Plenty of action, big plays, and Byron Leftwich. 19 rushes to 50 passing attempts. I don't see the point throwing the ball... so much... when you're down. Everybody expects it. I understand it gains big yards in a small amount of time, but it's so obvious it's useless. Plus having Byron Leftwich doesn't make it any easier. The Bills seem to be moving at a nice clip. Their offense is not so bad, despite firing their O.C. a week before the season. We'll see how they shape up.

49'ers v. Seahawks (23-10 Seattle)

Frank Gore dominated this game. Check these basic stats and I think you'll have an idea.

Total Yards: Frank Gore, 246
Second Most: Sean Hill, 161
Longest Play by Frank Gore: 80
Longest by anyone else: 22 yard rec. by Housh.

I'd heard he was good.

Bears v. Steelers (17-14 Chicago)

The score indicates exactly what you would expect from these two defensive behemoths. Decided by a field goal late in the fourth quarter. Jay Cutler is still an asshole and Big Ben still looks like he doesn't get a whole lot of exercise for an athlete. Next subject.

Broncos v. Browns (27-6 Denver)

I root for Chad Pennington (I didn't always) because he was dropped to make room for Favre. This year I root for Kyle Orton because Jay Cutler is a loudmouth idiot. I don't really care much about the teams success as much as I do Orton's. Especially at the expense of Eric Mangini, the man who was partly responsible for Farve in New York. Other than that, there's not much to say about the true unimportance of this game. I should think that the Brown's will continue to suck, and therefor it's not so much what teams can walk over them so much as it is what sorry team actually loses to them.

Ravens v. Chargers (31-26 Baltimore)

What can I say. Two of last years playoff teams duking it out. The Ravens looked like they could be a division winner. The Chargers looked like they might scrape by with a wild card. The Chargers can put up some yards, but they can't get the deal done. I think it might have to do the Chargers refusal to admit that LT is putting on his "walk-off-into-the-sunset" boots. Rivers can play. We saw it last year, and it shows again. It will be interesting to see how Darren Sproles does with a season's worth of steady work. He's so tiny, it would be great to see him regularly gashing defenses. Joe Flacco also looked good. He didn't get the kind of aerial attack he might have wanted, but the game plan worked. As they say, if it ain't broke...

Giants v. Cowboys (33-31 New York)

I think everyone should watch the tour of the new Cowboys stadium with Tashard Choice. Youtube it. It was a close game and Tony Romo is playing like it's December. Christmas come a little early methinks. To his credit, a ball that should have gone to the ground was kicked by Dallas Clark into the dumbfound hands of whoever the fuck that was that notched the INT. Eli Manning seems to be doing fine with Steve Smith and Mario Manningham. Watch for them in the coming weeks, because I fear they may truly become a threat. If I hear any more "Manning to Maningham" jokes, I will stab my ears out with a dull lead pencil. Or at least threaten to again. And, let's not forget that Tony Romo ruined the grand opening of the new stadium.

Colts v. Dolphins (27-23 Indianapolis)

About this battle for the Animal Kingdom, David Attenborough said this,

"A team that plays defense for three quarters of the entire match will surely die."

David Attenborough did not say that. If these teams were really animals, and he did comment, I imagine he would say exactly that. Apparently, with 45 minutes of offense, the Miami Dolphins could not seal the deal. Talk about performance anxiety.

Thanks for tuning in. Once again I threatened to skip some games, but narcissism got the best of me and I just had to see my own words glowing before me. That being said, check back later for more astute observations and crippling profundity.

The Week in Review... Most of it Anyway

Games were played, tears were shed, some friends became enemies, some enemies became friends, and we've still got 16 weeks of regular season play to go. Maybe the tears were an exaggeration, but I doubt it. Jake Delhomme strikes me as the type to tough it out for the team, the TV, friends, and family. He can hold his head up high for those around him, but I imagine after throwing almost double-digit interceptions in two games he goes home, opens himself a fresh liter of Stoli Razz, hides in the closet and cries himself to sleep. Or maybe hes a scratcher.

Moving on... the games. I recall having promised reviews of every game, but in all honesty, that's a lot of work, and some teams just suck. The games, in turn, suck as well. As much as I liked watching the Eagles stomp on Carolina, blowouts aren't always that interesting. So, I apologize if the coverage you find for some games is less than interesting or totally irrelevant.

Steelers v. Titans (13-10 Pittsburgh in O.T.)

The Steelers offensive line still sucks. Big Ben is a hefty dude, pretty comfortable out of the pocket, but he was sacked four times. That says something. Their defense will be fine for the time being with out Polamalu, but I don't know if they can carry the dead weight of five incompetent linemen. Santonio Holmes looks like he might finally be a real threat. After that Superbowl winning TD, my guess is that his confidence shot way up. Keep an eye on him. I also noticed that Chris Johnson is going to make Lendale White work for his lunch money. He had 7 more carries, and I imagine that trend will continue as long as Johnson outperforms White. His combination of tremendous speed, crippling power, and pretty good vision makes a threat every time.

Falcons v. Dolphins (19-7 Atlanta)

In the animal kingdom, these two majestic creatures would never cross paths, let alone do battle. Were they forced to fight, I would put my money on the superiority of the aerial prowess winged beast. So it goes in football as well. Matt Ryan looked pretty good, and as I suspected, Michael Turner was limited. Time will tell, but I think the lack of serious defenses he ran against last year inflated his value. Maybe he will adjust and prove me wrong, but I think hes better than average, just not great.

Ravens v. Cheifs (38-21 Baltimore)

Joe Flacco. Woa. I like that Baltimore has given him the space to throw the ball, because I think he can. He shows poise. It probably helped his cause that he was playing against a porous defense. If they continue to let him air it out and balance the throwing with the running, they could have a dangerous offense. I like these guys down the road. I'm still curious to see how Matt "hasn't started a game since a high school until last year" Cassel does without Moss and Welker to throw to and Belichik two steps behind him with the cat-o-nine tails.

Eagles v. Panthers (38-10 Philadelphia)

It's hard to tell if the new Eagles defense is that great or if a little pressure undoes them like Amy Winehouse on a crack binge. They have a serious challenge ahead with New Orleans. Look out for Macho Harris and Quintin Mikell. Dawkins was a huge loss for Philly, but I think these guys can pick up the slack. I'm curious to see how Delhomme does this week. I fail to understand why you would ink a deal for five years with a quarterback who throws multiple interceptions in the playoffs. Looks like somebody is pot committed. Whoops.

Broncos v. Bengals (12-7 Denver)

What a stupid game and what a stupid way to win... or lose. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you forget all about it and rest easy knowing that everybody involved wasted several hours of their life.

Vikings v. Browns (34-20 Minnesota)

Fact: Adrian Peterson is a monster.
Fact: Brett Favre is still old.
Fiction: Favre helps their chances.

If the Vikings make the playoffs, it will be because of AP and in spite of Favre.

Jets v. Texans (24-7 New York)

What's up with Matt Schaub? What's up with Steve Slaton? What's up with the Jets D? Who is this Mark Sanchez guy? These are all good questions, to which I have no answer. This was a very strange game, and maybe suffered from the erraticness that tends to follow the first week of the regular season like bruises and a hangover follow Tara Reid.

Colts v. Jaguars (14-12 Indianapolis)

Reggie Wayne and Peyton Manning are still monsters on the field. They can do anything. Except win by a lot, which they used to with ease. The question is... should I care? My crystal ball says no. Maurice Jones-Drew seems to have suffered no ill effects from the added attention garnered by the loss of Fred Taylor. It appears the team hasn't given up on Joseph Addai, but rookie Donald Brown is getting some serious looks. I think he'll come in handy down the stretch when Addai is sidelined by his annual collapse.

Saints v. Lions (45-27 New Orleans)

The Saints had to kick only one field goal. They ran the ball as much as they threw it. Detroit still sucks, but the Saints still allowed four touchdowns, which doesn't bode well. Picking off a rookie QB three times is nothing to brag about either. That being said, having a prolific offense can't always make up for a shoddy defense. This weeks matchup with the Eagles should give us a better idea of the Saints as a whole.

Cowboys v. Buccaneers (34-21 Dallas)

Tony Romo is in typical September form, suggesting promises of success and poise. Until December hits, this jury is still out. That being said, who saw Cadillac Williams coming? I sure didn't. As a matter of fact, I had forgotten that he still played. One also has to wonder what kind of drugs they smoke at the Buc's facility. Why would you fire your head coach after posting a winning season, release their quarterback, and then go on to fire their offensive coordinator a week before the regular season? These people are high, and I see nothing good for them for the time being.

49'ers v. Cardinals (20-16 San Francisco)

It seems that the curse of Superbowl losers crashing the following year is a trend that may continue throughout the season. Maybe they will get their act together. Their offense stalled, and Tim Hightower, a second year running back, had the most receptions with twelve. Larry Fitzgerald was nowhere to be seen until the second half, and Anquan Boldin recorded two catches for the day. My guess is Kurt Warner will be struggle this year.

Giants v. Redskins (23-17 New York)

I would have thought that the Giants could have put up a more convincing win, the way people seem to talk them up. Their defense will always keep them in the game, and Manning did pretty well, but for all the hype I'm a little confused. Manning didn't seem to miss Plaxico too much and has taken to spreading the ball around a bit. Steve Smith the lesser seems to be a new favorite target, and the running game was functional if not stellar. As far as the Redskins are concerned, it remains to be seen if the billion dollar deal with Haynesworth will pay out. I'm not so sure. I will only say this once, but how is it that the Redskins are still the named the Redskins? Know what? I want to start an expansion team and call them the Yellowmen, and we'll put a picture of Mr. Magoo on the helmets. Think Roger Goodell would be okay with that? Amazing.

Seahawks v. Rams (28-0 Seattle)

I can't truly express the degree of my distaste for this whole debacle. The Rams are no good, I know, but that bad? Will the Seahawks make a comeback this year? Who cares? Not this guy. They're in a shaky division, so making the playoffs shouldn't be too much trouble. In the playoffs I'm doubtful of their chances for success. Also, I may have predicted the Cardinals to take the division, and I'd like to blame that on some potentially lethal Mexican food I had ingested in the hours preceding my last post. Note that Chimichanga's and suspect beef may cause mild delirium.

Packers v. Bears (21-15 Green Bay)

Aaaahahahahaha! Jay Cutler is a donkey! As much as I can't stand the man, I love to watch him run his mouth and refuse to eat his words. Three interceptions makes my day. Though the Packers struggled to find a rhythm offensively, I believe that they will become one of the more dominant offenses this year. Having Donald Driver as your number two guy is a big plus. Check out the bomb from Rodgers to Jennings.

Patriots v. Bills (25-24 New England)

This game came down to one play. The fumble. Apparently the Bills are in danger of being shipped to Canada. That fumble might have been the nail in the coffin. I liked Trent Edwards' play, and the no-huddle offense seemed to keep New England on their heels. I imagine it was the anger at the thought of losing to Buffalo that forced that fumble. The jury is still out on Brady, but I imagine he'll do fine. I don't really think the Patriots won the game so much as the Bills lost it.

Chargers v. Raiders (24-20 San Diego)

Late game heroics once again foil an otherwise pleasant underdog story. I like the Raiders, and hope to see them smash the Chargers later in the season. LT seems to have maxed out his mileage and I expect Darren Sproles will get his share by the end of the season, and he's hungry for yards. Just watch him play. LT fumbles for the first time in several years. Looks like old father time is about to put his foot down. For the Raiders, I think JaMarcus Russell may pan out, but probably not until Al Davis drops dead from his mind-boggling insanity. Check out the bomb from Russell to Louis Murphy, the rookie WR. He failed to maintain control on an earlier TD pass, and made up for it big by getting about ten yards of separation on a 57 yd TD. While the Raiders are still the Raiders, I like their chances... that being better than awful.

That's all folks. Check back later for some thoughts on the upcoming games.

A Tale of Two Chickens: The Sordid past of Chicken and Football

I was not always a football fan. As a matter of fact, there was a time not so long ago in my past where I deemed football to be a brutish, overrated, and tedious sport. I know, it's hard to believe that tactical squads of muscular and uniformed men running into each other at full speed wouldn't appeal to everyone. But it's true. I have watched countless Super Bowl's with such disinterest that it's safe to assume I was more intrigued with the various flavors of salsa circling the nacho bowl. That and avoiding obnoxious family and friends of family.

Please bear with me during this brief moment of self-indulgence. My tale comes with the intent of any good story; a point. A valuable point for noting the delicious relationship of the chicken... and football.

I had no intention of getting involved. Like prescription painkillers, Robert Redford movies, and crack, the first hit reeled me in and refused to let go. I was watching the 2003 NFC Championship game with some friends in Philly. Eagles vs. Panthers. It was an ugly game for sure. McNabb was injured, picked off, sacked, and generally abused. I think it's a philly thing; watching your team get so far so often (this was the Eagles third straight NFC Championship loss) and lose just as often, and ever watching with a bitter taste in your mouth. I don't recall knowing any of the intricacies of the game, but one thing I do know is that chicken wings, boneless buffalo to be sure, were available and abundant. There were also several cases of Yuengling, a cheap lager brewed deep in the bosom of Pennsylvania farm land.

The wings were boned, standard fare, and hot. Not too hot. One might even say mild. But the dew that formed upon my brow only thickened with the passing of more wings and more football. To sooth the frustration of the heat and ever worsening game, I cooled myself with a refreshing sip of lager.

On the river of football, as the hot chicken flows, so doth the cooling beer.

I wasn't what you'd call disappointed after spending three-plus hours watching the Eagles embarrass themselves on national TV. I didn't care at all. But come next season, I recall getting together with some like minded folks and having some chicken, beer, and football. The more I watched, the more I wanted to know. Before long, I knew my team was the Eagles and I knew that I would watch football as long as they put it on TV.

What I didn't know is that phrases like fantasy value, downhill runner, or, finding the hole, would become part of my daily lexicon.

Fast forward one year. I'm in a dorm room in Amherst, Massachusetts. The Eagles have made it to football's gates of Saint Peter. They were knocking on the door of the long awaited Super Bowl title. The only thing standing in their way was Tom Bundchen Brady, Bill Belichick, and current Eagle Assante Samuel. I had no chicken, a 10-page paper to write, and a room full of Patriots fans. Needless to say the loss was compounded by throbbing masses of drunk Pats fans. I was sick.

Four years later, I'm still in Massachusetts and I'm still an Eagles fan. My girlfriend, no fan of televised sporting (save the Nomar era of the Red Sox) finds herself living with a man who gushes at the prospect of a new season and the elusive Super Bowl. She used to fret every time football season would roll around. She would say, "Christ! I lose my boyfriend every Sunday to a pack of fucking heathens on TV."

Some people go to church on Sunday. I watch football.

A few times, for lack of anything better to do and in an effort to spend time with her delusional boyfriend, she would come down to Rafters, (my local sports bar, a place reserved mostly for non-Boston fans who couldn't get their teams of TV) assuming that sharing a meal with me couldn't be all that bad. The first time she brought a paper to read while we shared some wings and a pitcher. She likes chicken and beer, so no harm, no foul. The second time she started to ask questions about certain players, basic rules, and such. By the fifth time she was well learned, drunk, saturated with chicken, and standing on her chair screaming "GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER!" And he did. Brian Dawkins had shattered the ball carrier, forced a fumble, and turned it into points.

This is not an exaggeration. She admits that it was the chicken and beer that brought her in. It was the football the made her stand on the chair and scream obscenities at people who would never hear her.

For my girlfriends sake I will point out that this was an isolated incident and she has behaved herself since... for the most part. With the Eagles kicking off their season tomorrow, against the Panthers at 1:00, you can expect that I will be down at Rafters at 12:30 to secure my booth.

Check back on Tuesday for thoughts on the week.

P.S. Trying to write about football, chicken, and beer while listening to Chopin is like trying to ride a bike up hill with a flat tire, a broken ankle, and a dead moose strapped to your back.

Season Prediction... I Still Hate the Patriots

We are less than a week away from the regular season and the anticipation couldn’t be higher. Tom Brady can pick up where he left off in search of total NFL annihilation, DeAngelo Williams will try to prove that his 20 TD’s weren’t a fluke, and PETA will finally have something to do where somebody will listen; it just won’t be NFL fans. Nothing against PETA, it’s just that freeing lobsters from the supermarket strikes me as irrelevant.

On the news front, Richard Seymour, the Patriots stalwart defensive end, was traded to the Oakland Raiders for a 2011 first round draft pick. Apparently that’s when the rookie salary cap will take effect, leading me to believe that high first round picks might actually be worth something more than a wasted shot to the wallet. What does this mean for the Patriots? It tells me they’re trying to get younger on the defensive side of the ball.

Moving on to more important matters… Predictions! Everybody has them, everyone is almost always wrong, and everyone will continue to make them despite the odds. Sports Illustrated has the Patriots and the Bears squaring off in Miami on February 7, 2010, with a final score of 30-27. Can you guess who they have as the winner? If you said the Bears I would congratulate for suggesting a second bitter defeat for Brady and Co. But no, they have the Patriots taking at all. I will say that I’m tired of hearing about all this “unfinished business” for the Patriots. So they didn’t have their perfect season (though I will say I found it perfect that the Patriots would go undefeated until the very last minute, when it actually mattered), and so what. They have three, count them, yes, THREE Super Bowl titles in the last decade. It was such a sour turn for Belichik’s boys, that Tom Brady didn’t even show up to the pro-bowl, for some obnoxious reason. Talk about a sore loser. Aaaannnyyy waaayyy, moving on.

It's up to you to decide whether or not you believe me. I encourage you to leave feedback, the more slanderous the better.

I think Sports Illustrated is full of it. My predication is the Eagles beating the Steelers, 27-23. Why? Because I’m an Eagles fan. Would I put money on that bet? Hell no! But really, you’ll find that I’m a die hard Eagles fan. I try to be impartial, but it’s just too hard not to when predicting a Super Bowl. So maybe we should replace the word “prediction” with the phrase, “long shot hoop dream.” In reality though, below you will find my prediction for division winners, with reasonable explanations attached.

AFC

North: Steelers- Because they’re Champs, because their super-young offensive line has a year and a title under their belt, and because I don’t see the Ravens, Browns, or Bengals doing anything to upset that trend. There’s not really much to say. Oh yea, plus they’re the Steelers and their D’ is buck-wild. Can’t stop it!

South: Texans- Matt Schaub is a rising star. If he can stay healthy, not to mention the all-star cast surrounding him, I don’t see any reason why they can’t slip from under the radar and upset the ever-favorite Colts. They’re in a tough division, if not the toughest, but nobody expects them, and that’s why I like them. Plus, did I mention that the Colts have a new Coach (Peyton Manning has played his whole NFL career under Dungy) and Marvin Harrison is gone. Ahh growing pains…

East: Patriots- Because they’re still bitter. And they have a boat load of talent to boot. I just don’t see anyone being able to upset the unstoppable war machine of New England. Their offense, much like the German Blitzkrieg, is an relentless force that bombards the enemy from land, air and sea, aka Brady, Moss, Welker. If Brady goes down again though, it’s all over. Unless of course they resort to cheating… again... In which case I forecast Belichik having Matt Cassell abducted and having him undergo plastic surgery to make him look like Brady.

West: Chargers- Shawn Merriman is back, though recent news suggests the he beat up Tila Tequila. Recent trends in athlete superstar idiocy suggest that he might actually get in trouble. Probably not though. Regardless, assuming Merriman is back for good, the defense should upgrade to not-so-shitty. Phillip Rivers is on the rise, and apparently LT is not the only running back in San Diego. They have so much talent on either side of the ball, there’s no reason they shouldn’t outlast the Chiefs, Broncos, and Raiders.

Wildcard: Colts and Ravens

NFC

North: Packers- Brett Favre’s retirement, un-retirement, retirement, and subsequent un-retirement has only helped the Packers in my mind. They have a young gun in Aaron Rodgers, old stud Donald Driver, young bucks Greg Jennings and Ryan Grant, and a new Defensive scheme. The Packers have switched to a 3-4 and hope to address Adrian Peterson often. They have the talent, they just need to click. I’m predicting that by week six, they will have their defense working at full steam. I might otherwise say the Vikings if Brett Favre didn’t spell certain doom for any team that picks him up. Karma’s a bitch, and telling your current quarterbacks fighting for a starting job to move over and play bitch to old man winter seems a tad tacky. Plus, who picks up a QB whose interceptions matched his TD’s last year? Lame.

South: Falcons/Saints- Ok, I know, that’s not a prediction, because they can’t both win. They can both lose, but they can’t both win. It truly seems like a toss-up to me. Some might say the Panthers are due, and I respect that, but I just see too much momentum in Atlanta and New Orleans. Atlanta has successfully recovered from the Vick fiasco and found a pristine young QB in Matt Ryan. I like his inimitable mix of poise and swagger. Drew Brees, in turn, cannot be knocked. The offense has relentless in New Orleans, but it’s been their defense as of late that has held them back, and I like the moves they’ve made this off-season to correct that. A new defensive coordinator (Greg Williams, look him up) and a clever draft have them edging out the Falcons, but just barely.

East: Eagles- I know that you know that I would pick the boys in green for this one. But let’s look at this one together and you’ll see my logic. They have some hurdles to overcome on defense, I know. The loss of Free Safety Brain Dawkins (shipped out the Denver), Middle Linebacker Stewart Bradley (out for the season due to a torn ACL), and legendary defensive coordinator/mastermind Jim Johnson (cancer…), has the Philadelphia defense on its knees. Luckily they have a premier pass rush, Quintin Mikell, Assante Samuel, and Sheldon Brown in the secondary, and Sean McDermott taking over for Jim Johnson. McDermott was Johnson’s understudy for nearly a decade. That should help. Not to mention the new offensive line… if they can stay healthy… which is a big “if.” Throw in a smart draft with rookies LeSean McCoy and Jeremy Maclin (who have shown a lot of progress in camp), plus Brian Westbrook, DeSean Jackson (some are saying Steve Smith clone), and that guy Michael Vick. Not to mention Donavan McNabb, a QB everyone seems to respect except Philly fans. Did I mention that T.O. and Plaxico Burress no longer play in the NFC East? On another note, it also seems that Marion Barber and Bandon Jacobs will probably break their own necks, if not someone else’s, by week 8, considering the way they run. Plus, the Birds only play five of last years play-off teams, compared to the seven that Dallas, New York, and Washington will play.

West: Cardinals- The trend… nay… the curse that surrounds Super Bowl losers hangs above Arizona much like the relentless, suffocating Arizona sun. Super Bowl losers tend to fare poorly the season after. It could be from the identity crisis of getting so far and being pounded back to reality. It’s truly the last game you want to lose. Nothing else hurts as bad. Just ask Tom Brady… okay, I’ll stop… for now. I’m thinking that Arizona will buck that trend and make it out on top. It helps that their division consists of the 49’ers, the Seahawks, and the Rams. I think Kurt Warner might not make it through the whole season, but that will only add fuel to the fire that burns within Matt Leinart’s loins. They had a nice draft, they only travel east three times this year, and they have the nastiest receiving core on the NFL, hands down. Their defense could use work, and by firing defensive coordinator Clancy Pendergast (I wouldn’t trust the strength and fortitude of my NFL defense to a man named Pendergast, or Clancy for that matter, would you?) they’ve at least addressed the issue. They have great talent on the defense, just nobody to guide it.

Wildcard: Bears and whoever’s left when the dust settles between Atlanta and New Orleans.

If you disagree, I applaud your right to dissent. You’d be wrong, but that’s another freedom we all cherish. Up next, 5 rookies to keep an eye on, and 5 players I think are poised for breakout seasons.

Rookies

RB Glenn Coffee (SF):The third-round project back showed immense talent in the preseason. As running back committees become ever popular, look for this kid to spell Frank Gore and make the most of it.

RB LeSean McCoy (PHI): Despite his talent, Brian Westbrook can never stay healthy. Enter McCoy, who fell to the second round due to a lackluster combine. He has Westbrook like talents and should see his fair share of touches.

WR Hakeem Nicks (NYG): He’s not Plaxico, but the Giants needed someone tall to throw to, to account for Eli’s proclivity for over-throwing the ball. He may not see a lot of action this season, but given time he could develop. Without the deep threat, the Giant’s offense seems painfully one-dimensional.

QB Mark Sanchez (NYJ)-He looked good for a rookie QB. Given some time, the Jets might have solved their QB woes... for the time being.

TE Brandon Pettigrew (DET): Tight Ends are great options in the red zone, and with a rookie QB starting in week one, expect to see a lot of Pettigrew.

Breakout Players

RB Felix Jones (DAL): As much as it kills me to endorse any player from Dallas, I can't ignore the talent. Jones only played in a few games last season, but he averaged almost 9 YPC. He's a total monster, with great speed and vision. With T.O. out of town and Marion Barber's aggressive running style, I see Jones getting some serious carries. He can score from 20 yards out, and that's threatening.

QB Matt Leinart (ARI): I just can't see 39 year-old Kurt Warner making it through the entire season. Hype was so high for Leinart when he was drafted, so when he was replaced by AARP cardholder Warner, I imagine a rather large chip was nicked into his shoulder. Plus, it can't hurt throwing to Fitzgerald, Boldin, and Breaston.

SS Quintin Mikell (PHI): Because I just have to rep a Philly guy. But seriously, the loss of FS Brian Dawkins and defensive coordinator Jim Johnson leaves the throne of leadership pretty much vacant. Mikell has somehow managed to stay below most radars, suggesting to me that he might catch many twinkle-toed receivers unawares.

CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie (ARI): Just don't throw towards this guy. If you have a fantasy WR matched up against him, don't start him. Don't even look him in the eye. He's that dangerous.

RB Pierre Thomas (NO): Reggie who? I imagine that if Pierre has a girlfriend, shes not as hot as Kim Kardashian, and if she is, he's paying. Out of nowhere, Thomas leapt onto the scene as the true running back of the Saints. Bush has the soft hands to make catches and the reputation for fragility to distract defenses, but it's Thomas who owns the ground game. Look for the Saints to force a more balanced attack and use Thomas to gain yards and chew up the clock. Ball control wins games and Pierre Thomas may become a cornerstone to that philosophy in New Orleans.

That's all folks. If I make any more absurd predictions, I might have to admit my inevitable shift from fortune teller to straight faced liar. Check in next week for more news, highlights, and what kind of wings go with what kind of beer.

Kibbles and Vick: A Preseason Primer

Welcome to the Glory of Chicken, Cheap Beer, and Football. Within these digital pages of you will find smokey writings of the aforementioned chicken, cheap beer, and FOOTBALL! Every week you can check in to hear me sound off on the latest in football news, woeful tales of fandom, chicken mishaps, and everything in between. Who had the best hits? Who runs with the vision of a Cherokee warrior on a mission? Who commands the front lines, the offensive weapons, like generals of old? I can't say for sure, but we'll get started on September 13th. After that, it's out of our hands. Specualtions be damned. The Cowboys, last years superbowl pick for many, failed to make the playoffs. Everyone all of a sudden realized the Machael Turner and Larry Fitgerald were class acts. It's out of our hands. Gladiators might be a thing of the past, but take of away the swords, the slaves, and the chariots, and hand out million dollar contracts, put on pads, put it on TV, and you've got the NFL. I couldn't ask for much more.


Let the games begin.

As a sit here at my local my local cafe, with the excitement and anticipation of bone-crushing hits and over-the-top touchdown celebrations running laps in my scotch soaked cranium, I can't help but think this season will be more exciting than the last. It almost always is. Favre is back... again. Michael Vick is out of the kennel and ready to demoralize defensive coordinators everywhere. Tom Brady is also back. I don't think it would be an understatement to say Mr. Bundchen has a hefty chip on his shoulder. I mean, who wouldn't be after breaking all sorts of records, going 18-0, and getting beaten in the final minutes by a man who nearly shot off his own genitals with a gun held to his waist by the elastic of his sweatpants. If that weren't bad enough, try sitting out for 99.9% of the rest of the following season. As much as I would love to go on about Plaxico and his low-down dirty ways, that's old news. Hes going to jail, not just for shooting himself, but for being a complete goober. It is worth noting that Plaxico shot himself and got two years. Vick did some unmentionable things to dogs. He got roughly two years. Does that mean they even out? I'll let you decide.

What have we learned over the past year? The Steelers defense is still dominant. The curtain is being drawn once again. Kurt Warner, at the tender age of 39, can still play. Reggie Bush was not exactly worth all the fuss. Sure, he'll get his touches and fair share of points, but will he truly contribute to Drew Brees' relentless offense? I doubt it, considering the fact that as far as ground game is concerned, Pierre Thomas is in the drivers seat. Bill Belechick has confirmed that almost any QB in his system will succeed. Now, as far as missing the play-offs with an 11-5 record is concerned, I have no comment.

Andy Reed is still fat, Brian Westbrook is still hurt, and it's only a matter if time before Philadelphia fans throw McNabb under the bus... again. I imagine most Philadelphia sports fans would sell their own mothers to a whore house in Tijuana in exchange for a championship and gloating rights.

Chad "the pushover" Pennington made Mangini and the Jets organization second guess themselves, got himself a job in sunny Miami and a "comeback player of the year" award, and then proceeded to throw picks in the playoffs like he was getting paid for each interception. The Pennington of old.

The Wildcat formation took off and Ronnie Brown showed all us doubters that spicing up the offensive schemes forces defenses to think a little harder.

Last season showed us that rookie QB's can contribute. Both Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan came flying out of the gates. Ryan even helped his team get to the playoffs. Having Michael Turner didn't hurt either. Can we expect the same from Mark Sanchez? Matt Stafford? Only time will tell. Tomlinson is showing signs of age and Adrian Peterson looks like he's ready to dishout some headaches. Heres a thought... how scary would it be if AP put Favre up on his shoulders and ran around while old man winter dishes out the long bombs? It might be the only way to keep Favre from getting shattered on the field.

T.O. is still T.O., just in Buffalo, and Chad Johnson is now officially Chad Ochocinco the kicker. Michael Vick is at least pretending to be a nice guy. Maybe he is. Maybe he's just a little cold-blooded Machiavalli with a rocket arm and road runner legs. Maybe he's washed up. Only time will tell.

The NFL will never cease to keep us on our toes. With so many over-paid diva wide receivers (ahem... Brandon Marshall), gladiatorial monsters (I'm looking your way Polamalu!), and AARP cardholders like Favre, its impossible to get bored. And let us not forget that football season implies chickn. Hot chicken. And lot's of it.